on anger

Anger is not an emotion that I deal well with, either my anger or other people's anger. I am rarely truly angry. But today, today I am angry. I am angry at someone I work with, or rather, for. I am angry that their lack of communication and follow-up is somehow my fault. I am angry that I am feeling anxiety because of their mistake. I wish I could let it not get to me.

I am angry that I was anxious about it all day. That I was anxious about it the next day. I am angry that my well-honed defense mechanisms are down. And that all it took to drop them was one well-timed crappy email.

I am angry that this person threw me under the bus and that, even though I know I did my job, I still begin to question my competence. As if me following up with them a fifth time would have changed anything.

I am angry that everyone I work that works with this person has to deal with the same thing. That they have all developed their own CYA systems, but still know that they will get yelled at eventually for something this person failed to do. That those systems are needed between people on the same team. That management knows about this person and their behavior and does nothing because they are a partner who is otherwise a good attorney.

I am angry at myself for not removing myself sooner and for again getting to the point where I would take almost any job instead of staying where I am. For not planning and being strategic and moving out of the job on my own terms.

I am angry that this partner will make me leave an otherwise good work situation. The other people I work with are lovely, but this partner has too much control in my work life and it will not change so long as I am there.

What makes you angry?


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